Why Do I?
by Rysohl
Summary: Quinn reflects on her relationship with Finn after his altercation with Jesse at prom.


It wasn't all about becoming prom queen. Not anymore.

Quinn wasn't going to deny she could be a bitch sometimes, but more often than not, it was her strong will and willingness to fight for what she wanted that could often come across that way. Finn was with her and she was going to fight for him. Quinn really did love Finn. He was so kind and gentle. He had a heart of gold, but made it that much easier for people to walk all over him.

All that stuff the year before with the baby and everything, she never meant for that to happen, but it wasn't Finn's fault either. She made a stupid mistake and had to pay the price, and a part of that price meant losing Finn. Still, she really did still care for him. Some might say she was fooling herself, but she believed that if it weren't for the pregnancy, and her cheating with Puck, they could have stayed together this whole time. But then again, that fashion disaster Rachel may still have managed to sink her claws into him. She wasn't so deluded to think that it would last in the long run but, who knew, Finn could be her once chance at the life she always wanted before all the other dramas went down. Rachel always did look for any opportunity to try and take Finn from her. Quinn may be a bitch, but at least she was straight up and honest about it. Rachel operated in the shadows and left everyone thinking she was so innocent and sweet not matter what she did.

As much as she fought to be popular and the crown of prom queen, Quinn did in fact contemplate the future quite often, planning out the life she wanted beyond the trivial little world of high school. But, looking on as Finn and Jesse shoved each other back and forwards, she could feel it all starting to crumble and crack.

She felt her heart drop as she watched Coach Sylvester lead Finn and Jesse out the door, before turning a glare towards Rachel. Once again Rachel was finding a way to step on her toes, getting in her way of that shiny tiara she so wanted, and forcing her way in between Quinn and Finn once more. Holding her gaze for a few seconds longer on the brunette girl opposite her, perhaps in the hopes that she might spontaneously burst into flames, she turned and strode away, towards a different door, leading out into the hallway. She caught the concerned gaze of Mercedes as she passed, but didn't acknowledge her, she was far too angry right now and she didn't want to take it out on the girl that had been so good to her last year when she needed it the most.

Quinn didn't slow down until she reached the girls bathroom. It was surprisingly empty. She would have expected there would at least be one or two girls in there touching up their make up or taking a breather. She strode over to the sinks lining the wall and leaned against it with both hands. Keeping her gaze down a few moments, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Glancing in the mirror, she took in her reflection.

Why didn't Finn want her? At least not in the same way he wanted iher/i. Rachel Berry and her disgustingly cute animal sweaters and plaid skirts. Better yet, why did she care so much? She knew she could probably get almost any guy she wanted. Still, everything always came back to Finn. He was her safety net, she knew if she needed he would be there for her. Until Rachel batted her eyelashes at him and he would go running. When did she get this weak that she would let this happen twice? Even as they danced, so close together, she could feel his focus was not with her, but on Rachel.

Taking a page of the Rachel Berry book, she closed her eyes and started to hum to herself. If the little hobbit was right about anything, that was that music iwas/i the perfect way to let it all out. Losing herself to the music in her head, the humming turned into words, saying all the things she couldn't bring herself to say.

_This is not me at all  
>I used to be so much stronger<br>Here I am holding on  
>When there's nothing to hold onto, now<br>I've tried to understand,  
>It's not making sense<em>

_If you don't want to be here tonight  
>Why do I still want you to stay<br>If you don't want to reach out your hand  
>Why do I find a way<br>If I don't have a place in your heart  
>Why do I say maybe in time<br>If you don't want to give me your love  
>Why do I give you mine<br>Tell me why do I  
>Why do I<br>Why do I_

_Always loved the sound of your voice  
>Couldn't wait to hear you whisper<br>Always love you here by my side  
>You said that it would be forever<br>It was meant to be forever_

_If you don't want to be here tonight  
>Why do I still want you to stay<br>If you don't want to reach out your hand  
>Why do I find a way<br>If I don't have a place in your heart  
>Why do I say maybe in time<br>If you don't want to give me your love  
>Why do I give you mine<br>Tell me why do I  
>Why do I<br>Why do I?_

_This is not like me all  
>Not me at all<em>

_If you don't want to be here tonight  
>Why do I still want you to stay<br>If you don't want to reach out your hand  
>Why do I find a way (why do I find a way)<br>If I don't have a place in your heart  
>Why do I say maybe in time<br>If you don't want to give me your love  
>Why do I give you mine<br>Tell me why do I  
>Why do I<br>Why do I_

_Why do I?_

* * *

><p>Song: 'Why Do I?' by Natalie Bassingthwaighte<p>

Hey all, just a little ficlet to get my creativity flowing again. I've spent too long writing scientific reports that I just need to flex the creative muscles formatting is in need of work, I know, but it's a start...

I love Quinn, I have much respect for any strong, smart women who aren't afraid of a little confrontation, but I felt her character kept going back and forwards in the show and it felt a little inconsistent. I just wanted to try and put a little perspective on it (at least how I see it anyway) and delve a little deeper into why she started up with Finn again, because in my opinion, the whole 'just to win the prom queen' thing came off a little too much like backtracking after the character growth she got in season 1.

Anyways, please tell me what you think, improvements, suggestions etc. but please be constructive. If you don't like it, tell me why specifically, other than 'Quinn sucks' or other unhelpful comments. Thanks!


End file.
